From My Heart...

Some of you know that I recently found out they no longer have a job for me in Rome. This has definitley been a blow since it has been on my mind and heart for the last 7 months. Once again, I felt like God was giving me all green lights and then slammed them red at the last minute! (I repended of this by-the-way!) It is so hard to see what God is doing in the midst of confusing situations, but there is something specific he has revealed, obliterated, and is now reconstructing in my heart.

Throughout the IMB process, they ask you in every form possible how you know you are called to missions. I have seen God's hand leading me to this point for many reasons (that I won't go into now) and I have known for a while that the Lord wanted me to "go." I was following him in obedience and submission. That's how its supposed to be, right? Yes, but there is more...

When I lost the Rome job, the cry of my heart dramatically changed. It was no longer, "okay, God, I'll follow you in obedience where ever you have me" but "Oh, God, please send me!" I was no longer "allowing" myself to be used by him, I was begging.

There are several other promising job opportunites available. (The one I am particuarly drawn to is in Milan.) Not knowing where I will be less than 6 months from now is indeed frightening for this girl who LOVES to have a constant 5 year plan! However, I do know that the Lord will be faithful to sovereignly place me in the location where I can serve and glorify him the best. I am excited to see where that place is and the way he makes that clear!

Please pray for me as I am in deep prayer about this. Pray that my heart will rest solely in him. Pray that he will make his will clear to me and those in authority over me. Pray that I will release my desires and become a vessel that is not only willing but begging to be used by him.