Drivenness Redirected

While spending a week with one of my dear friends, she randomly asked me, "when you are falling asleep, do you make up fictional stories in your head?"
I relpied sarcastically, "Are you asking me if I tell myself bedtime stories to lull myself to sleep? Um, no."
"Oh", she said. "Then what are you thinking about?"
I thought for a moment and replied, "well, I reflect on the day, process my thoughts, and then plan my to-do list for the next day."
"Doesn't that stress you out?" she asked.
"No," I said, "It actually helps me relax knowing I have not forgotten anything and I have everything under control."

After that conversation, I began to reflect more on the strengths and weaknesses derived from this character trait! Perhaps it should have hit me harder while I was paralyzed in the hospital several years ago due to an unattended strep infection that became very serious. I was forced to further reflect on this issue while writing the autobiography required for my IMB application. Starring at your personality strengths vs. weaknesses on paper is indeed sobering.

Those who know me know that I am love organizing, analyzing and planning. As a result, I have always been very driven and am constantly working on "achieving." I strongly believe many high school and college students SHOULD be more focused and driven. I never viewed the highschool and college years as the time after childhood when you get your last "hurrah"before adulthood. More than just dry "achievement," I have also had a passion for life and want to see and do it all! Life is too short and I want to cram as much as I can into the short years the Lord gives me!

As life goes on, I've learned the Lord loves to throw monkey-wrenches into the plans of people like myself. I have been hit with a few of these in my life and they certainly have made an impact on me. Now, ironically, I am fine with God changing my plans because I trust in his lovingkindness and sovereignty. However, I still find myself planning nonetheless! It is almost as if I am fine with God changing my path but I just want to know that I could stay on the current path and everything would work out. I don't think I am doubting that God will work everything out, but I just want "the plan" based on the status quo! I call it "verified possibility"...:) You can see this even in the way I take walks! Taylor, Heidi and I like to walk in the evenings. They just "walk" with no real destination or plan in mind. I, however, cannot do that! While we are walking, I am constantly beggin gthem to give me even a vague "idea" of our destination, route, time limit, etc. They, of course, refuse to oblige and just laugh at me!

There is a song written by Charlie Hall called "One Thing" that really strikes me. One of the verses says:

All of life comes down to just one thing:
and that's to know you, oh Jesus
and make you known

The way this phrase is worded really hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course, I surrendered my life to Christ a long time ago, but this shed light on an all new corner of my life and gave me a deeper understanding of surrender. It spoke to my lust for planning and for my mind that is constantly analyzing. Even though I am fine with "planning" within God's plan and I desperately want His will for my life, my heart's perspective has changed. I know God gave me that ability to be used fo rhis glory. How amazing would it be if I focused all my drivenness and devotion onto the real meaning of life: knowing Christ and making him known?? I know this has been the desire of my heart for many years, but have I been giving it all the ammo I've got? Of course, the Lord is not honored through laziness or apathy. The lesson learned is not to necessarily loose those personality traits but to redirect them toward what really matters.